Last night was the 127th Anniversary diner of the esteemed "Gridiron Club" in Washington DC. This affair is invitation only, and caters to the elite of the Washington DC press corps and high profile politicians, including Presidents, and usually features a high degree of humor expressed through prepared remarks and skits. The speeches are usually of the self-deprecating sort and if not, expressly comedic.
President Obama is currently visiting South Korea and submitted a short video of his remarks which where mostly not noteworthy. On the other hand, the remarks delivered by Texas Governor Rick Perry, former candidate for President, were noteworthy. I've heard a number of reporters who have followed Mr. Perry through the years comment on how his brief and at times puzzling campaign was void of his trademark charm and good wit. Here are Mr. Perry's comments and I have to wonder, if some of the Rick Perry from last night had been more present during his failed campaign, might things have turned out very different?
(From Politico's Playbook:)
"I can't tell you ... what a relief it is to be on a stage with just one podium. ... [Laughter]] The Gridiron's the only time that politicians and journalists can get together for some lighthearted silliness - well, I mean, other than the debates. ... Some have said that my debating style is very similar to that other Texas Cicero, George W. Bush. [Laughter] Only difference between GEORGE and me is that I say, 'Oops.' [Applause] ... Y'know, I shouldn't make fun of George. But he's, like, the only one that I can. [Laughter] Y'know, I say stuff like Solyndra's a country or that the voting age is 21. But MITT would say things like his wife drives a coupla Cadillacs, or his pals own NASCAR teams. Y'known, my problem was sayin' stuff that WASN'T right. Mitt's problem is sayin' stuff that IS. [Applause] So with all my gaffes, people forgot that I once led the Republican primary. It was the most exhilarating three hours of my life. Awesome! Now, officially, I have only suspended my campaign -- I never really quit. So technically, I'm still in the race - 'cept I can go home, spend the evening with Anita, relax, and still do about as well. Well, listen, here's the hardest part for me: The weakest Republican field in history -- and they kicked my BUTT! ... Y'know, very once in a while, Herman Cain, Michele Bachman and myself'll get together. We'll kinda act silly, we'll say some stupid things-you know, kinda like old times. ...
"Y'know it's weird standing next to [Mitt] on the debate podium . Y'know, I keep waiting for him to say, 'Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?' ... I LIKE Mitt Romney. I mean, I like Mitt Romney as much as one really good looking man can like a really good looking man -and not break Texas law. And then there's Rick Santorum. I used to have SO much fun needling Rick. I'd say, 'Now, Rick, tell me again, which one of the Village People are you? You're the policeman? Or you're the Indian?' And then there's Ron Paul. ... Y'know, he kinda reminds me of that crazy uncle that you expect to pull a nickel out of your ear. ... Then we have Gingrich. He's like this Pillsbury Doughboy, with this really huge brain. ... I do wish I were still in the race. I mean, I don't know why I didn't do better: Governor of a big state. Former military pilot. I graduated from Texas A&M with a degree in animal husbandry. [Laughter] Maybe that was the problem. Animal husbandry: That sounds like what Rick Santorum thinks gay marriage leads to. ...
"Now, before I forget, which has been known to happen [laughter], it's really good to see DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz [who spoke after him]. And even though Debbie and I are from different parties, she has been very, very complimentary. Earlier she told me, she said, 'Rick, you don't know how sorry I am that you won't be your party's nominee.' [Laughter] [Turning to her at the head table:] Thank you, darlin'.
"Now, President Obama couldn't be here. I read that he is in Korea, at the DMZ. Would somebody tell me: Why do ya have to go all the way to Korea to get a DRIVER'S LICENSE? Must be something to do with that birth certificate thing. But filling in tonight for the president very ably is Secretary Panetta. And during the campaign, I said that Secretary Panetta should resign. I regret saying that ... We have had Predator drones circling the governor's mansion. ... After what I've been through, our motto is, 'Y'know, if you can't laugh at yourself -- well, there's always Herman Cain.' ...
"When we did our announcement tour, there was this huge caravan of reporters, including the Washington Post's Dan Balz, who was following our bus. And Dan was lookin' a little scruffy. He had this days' old beard. He had a baseball cap on. And I spent the day calling him 'Wolf.' Finally it dawned on me: That's not Wolf Blitzer! That's Dan Balz. So, Dan, wherever you are in the audience tonight, I wanna say 'thank you' for being a gentleman, and never mentioning it.
"Most of the reporters and the correspondents trailing us weren't well-known. They weren't established journalists like Dan and the members of this club. But they were often the younger reporters, on the lower rungs of the business. I wasn't always happy about what they wrote -- but they became part of the traveling family, because our lives became intertwined. They ate the same crappy campaign food; they got up at the same early hour; they heard the same speech, over and over. But I honestly got the sense that they were sad to see our campaign end. Anita and I still keep up with 'em. As a matter of fact, we just got a note from one just the other day. I saw one tonight as I came in. So, tonight, I'd like to close not by recognizing you big shots in the business out there -- but all those reporters who are out there workin' - workin' their butts off, worryin' about the future of newspapers, worryin' about whether or not the news budget is gonna be cut. I truly like 'em and respect 'em. And I hope one day those reporters in that caravan following our bus make it to this illustrious dinner -- and are up on that stage, doing those skits and enjoying the rewards of their professional success, like we are tonight."
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